It was quite a change from last year when we went to a friend's party and we threw together costumes an hour before we left our apartment. I dressed up last year in a Team USA basketball jersey, wore a large USA Flag and hung a USA license plate around my neck and carried a small flag. I was Captain America.
The PartyNow for the party, the highlight of the night. We bought tickets to this thing after reading some great reviews online. Also, it sounded like the best one we found. The other one we found online had a costume contest judged by famous porn-star, Ron Jeremy, and his friends, the Penthouse Playmates.
We were looking for something a bit more dressed up and less trashy.
So, to the Theater for the New City we went. We should have known better. The website advertised theatrical shows and performances and I guess they were in a classic, artsy, pretentious theater way. It was like being in a movie watching these performances. I thought they only made this stuff up for cheesy scenes in teen comedies (see: She's All That), but it's real, it is very, very real.Upon arriving at the venue, we gave our tickets to a grumpy man and walked into the lobby where we immediately saw a man dressed as a naked man. Or so we thought. But why dress like you're naked when you can actually be naked? So throughout the night this naked, old man roamed the halls - and he wasn't the only one. There were two naked, old men! No photos of that, sorry.
Puppet Show
We watched a horrendous puppet show, but it was great because of just how bad and how theater it was. Who makes this stuff up? Who cares? I don't know. But for three dollars I got a plate and unlimited access to the Cauldron. I had 5 slices of pizza, 4 slices of delicious cake, 6 cookies and a mound of hummus and chips while "watching" the show. Despite the, um, quality of the puppet show it was also fun to watch the people in their costumes wandering around.
Bad Improv
There was this tiny, little stage in the basement tucked away past the bar. There were two people on stage, a guy and a girl, and they were going back and forth with improvisational phrases. Neither of them were in costume, they were completely not funny. Were they trying to be? Who knows, who cares. It was funny anyway. Was that there intent. No. There were just that bad.
The Ukulele Group
There was a group of men grouped together in the basement playing ukuleles and singing. They were set up right across from the bathrooms. I don't think you can get a prime location better than that. They sang some Hallowe'en hits like Monster Mash. At one point, the wandering violinist (who walked around the theater all night long while playing his violin) joined in.
The Womb RoomIf I had to go back to this party next year I would skip everything and head straight to the dark, cold basement, down the hall past the bad murals and go straight to the Womb Room. Yes, you read that right. It may be so-named because of its claustrophobic feeling, or maybe because the performances were so impressive that it gave me the feeling of being born again.
We were treated to two of the most unique and simultaneously crappy/incredible performances I've ever seen. But I loved them both for their pure, raw, emotional expression. I think. At least that's what they probably wanted me to think!
For those of you who have seen She's All That (alluded to earlier), the first act we saw was pretty similar to that scene where Freddy Prinze Jr.'s character does the stupid hacky sack routine. Performance art. Just not my thing. Is it anyone's thing? WHY!!??
The first act started with an older woman waxing some incomprehensible soliloquy about who knows what. Then she left the room and when she returned she was rolling in a barber's chair with an overweight naked man on it.She the rifled through her Walgreen's shopping bag for some gauze and fake blood. She taped the gauze over the man's eyes with scotch tape and dripped blood over top.
Then the naked man (except for a towel around his waist, thankfully) began his journey into his mind, and unleashed the powerful words of his subconscious. He wonderfully channeled Nietzsche and his performance reminded me of the some of the best and most deeply moving dramatic pieces that I've seen since the great live performance shows I was fortunate enough to witness in Berlin in the early 80s.
Right. You really, really had to be there to enjoy this, but here are some excerpts (I have video, and I just need to format it correctly before you can enjoy it)"When I woke up I heard someone ask me, are you going to sue? Strange question from someone who has just been dealing directly with the dead. Over my eyelids there lay balls of cotton. I was not supposed to talk, because talking would loosen the anchors of the bandages. Sleep! I want to sleep!"
As I type this, I have cotton bandages over my eyes as well. Not because I want to prove how awesome a typist I am, or because I was so moved by the performance that I want to feel the way the old, bald man did, but because after this performance on Hallowe'en night, I involuntarily stabbed myself in both of my eyes with a toothpick I found on the floor of the Womb.
Joe Bendik
Wow. Really, wow. I am still feeling the surge of energy flow through my veins. After the naked man left the stage, so began a performance that will never be rivaled. Joe Bendik, an old, anti-folk singer living in New York City, tuned up his guitar and began to play.
And play he did. With the voltage of a thousand 9 volt batteries, Joe turned up his amp and brought the Womb Room to an awe-full (not awful) silence that could only have been replicated by the enveloping placenta and amniotic sack that surrounded us, reverberating with the sounds of his guitar and the timeless sounds of his voice. Our mouths hung agape, to our knees, and as he played on, only the spittle dripping from our open lips moved. When the first song ended, as one, the audience collectively moved to wipe their mouths and closed them, only to then bring their hands together in one loud, deafening applause that shook the walls of the Womb.
This loud, vibrating culmination of kilowatts and decibels, mixed together and created an aura of light pink and yellow lights. With this insane, unparalleled movement and excitement, the Womb undulated and swished until it just about gushed every one of us into the street.
Anyway, it's not hard to describe his energy, his wailing and yelling and incredible emotion. He sang a song called NYC Malltown as his opener and it got me right into his show. Here are some sample lyrics.
"New York City, mall-town, (repeat), smoke free, no dancing, mall-town, mall-town. MTV in Times Square!!!
7 bucks for a pack of smokes, that ****in' mayor, he's a ****'in joke...he's a real live version of Diet Coke!
Yes! Yes! I came from a small town, I moved to a mall-townnnnnnn, whooo yea! That's what I said!"
I know the lyrics look good here, but wait until you hear them in person! Seriously, I know you think I'm joking, but this guy was great. He rocked so hard that he broke a string in his second song and he kept on playing. Kept on rocking. Kept on doing his thing. It may sound like I'm joking, but this guy put on a show and I was a bit disappointed when it was all over.
Check him out, seriously. If you have to listen to just one song, make it NYC Malltown. You won't be disappointed. http://myspace.com/joebendik.
You'll give birth it's so good.
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